Dear Diary,

        I had to write this down so that I wouldn't forget what God was trying to tell me. I had a dream last night that I was in the military. I was with a small group of people who were also soldiers in training. My commander was a woman and she marched in front of us and led us to our next mission. She explained that this was a test. A test that each of us had to pass in order to reach the next station. We had to cross over to the next post without being devoured by a wolf that was in hiding. She suddenly whipped out her gun and pointed at a building in the near distance. "Aim at the 'C' in that sign", she said. Focusing on the 'C', she fired the pistol..the bullet hit the C, deflected to the left and hit a tree. The sound of the gun shot was so loud & piercing that it frightened the beast. In a split second she ran across the field and clung to the post, escaping death. Our commander showed us how it was done, now it was our turn.

      Ofcourse, nobody wanted to go first. One of the leaders in the team stepped forward. He had completed every mission without fear. He was so strong and so fast that none of us had ever surpassed him in training. He came forward with a huge canon-like-gun hanging of his shoulders, showing of his strength. But the thought of being ripped apart by that wolf soon gripped him with fear. He suddenly put down his gun and backed away. 

     We were trying to work up our courage when suddenly, this giant man came up from behind us. He teased and hovered over us claiming he knew another way to get across the field. He took out a big chunk of raw meat dripping with blood and threw it down to the ground. While the beast was busy eating the meat he could escape its pangs and get across, he said.

     We pondered and discussed the new plan. We  were wasting so much time when we were clearly told that there was only One Way to tame the beast and get to the next station. When the giant finally threw out the raw meat, it was a stray dog off the side of the road that came and nibbled on it. The wolf was not even teased out of its cave. Then a little girl came running after the man and cried to have another piece of meat. "Please let me try, let me try, maybe if I throw it down the wolf will come and eat it." The man turned around and started walking away with a crooked smile on his face. The little girl right behind him. There I was suddenly in the picture again, running after the little girl. The man had led us so far away from our group. So happy and content was he, that though I had not completed my mission, he had completed his. 

      When I woke up, I knew that this wasn't an ordinary dream. I just started asking God what it meant. As the Holy Spirit started revealing it to me, I began to understand. This dream expresses where I am in the spiritual realm. God wants to take me to the next level, but first, I have to pass certain tests. It is a testing season said the Lord. He showed me that the "C" stood for Christ. If you focus on Me, and use the only weapon that can still the devil, the powerful Word of God, you can and will get to your next station. If you want to go to a higher place with Me, then you will surely cross paths with the enemy of your soul. But keep your eyes fixed on Me. I have already defeated him. Your Victory is In Me.

       So I said, "Ok Lord, so who was the giant?" And he said that the giant represents the distractions. The things that are put in my path to completely take my energy and my focus off of completing my mission. He showed me that I am just like that little girl, an immature Christian who can be easily deceived and pulled away. If I remain in that state, I will be left crying, making the same mistakes and going in circles when all I have to do is follow a simple instruction. I just heard the Lord say, "Stay in the Word which is your strength and believe in the Cross that has already given you victory". 

I'm just praying for God to increase my faith and trust in Him. As Peter was fully persuaded of the love Christ, I want to be Fully Persuaded.  No matter how hard the battle is going to be, I want to finish my course and run the race set out for me. Lord hear my plea.

Dear Diary,

     Women's retreat was soo awesome! I praise God for bringing me to another level in my understanding of His holiness. One night the speaker pointed at me and said, "you are a prophetic psalmist"... called me up there and told me that God was going to give me a song that I have never heard or sang before, but when it comes to just sing it. I was flippin' out. I didn't know what to say or do. I kept clearing my mind of every word that came to my mind 'cause I kept thinking that I was forcing myself to write a song. Then Anncy laid her hand on my shoulder and I was so moved. The minister came and laid her hands on me as well and said you are anointed in tongues so just start speaking..I start speaking in new tongues and then I started singing in tongues. Then after a few minutes I started singing the words,"Be set free, be set free. Why do you cry? You are my child..Be set free". I didn't open my eyes but I could hear people crying and breaking down..then Sheena came running up to me weeping and whispered to me.."You have to sing the words that I am going to tell you." "When you're feeling down and you are troubled, look to me; you are my child..Be set free." I didn't know how to sing it, but I just opened my mouth and sang it in whatever way it came out, because I knew that the Holy Spirit had given her those words and somebody in that audience needed to hear it. I could hear my sis and Anncy and Ani singing along with me..what a beautiful sound they made. Then the Lord gave Alicia, one of our guitarist another part of this song.."Who am I, that the Son of God should come and die for me..?" We just kept singing it over and over again while God started healing people's hearts. I have no idea how the entire song came together, but it was such a powerful and moving experience. I've never even thought to stop and let the Holy Spirit give us a song while leading worship. It has completely changed my perception and understanding of what praise and worship is..When we sing and worship the Lord, we receive healing. Our friends in the audience told us later about the visions they saw and strongholds that were broken during that service. How wonderful it is to serve a God who is so near to us. I love the Lord with my innermost parts. Everytime I doubt His existence, something deep down inside grips me. Then I remember each and every time that He has shown Himself and spoken to me. Oh my God is real. My Jesus is so real. I can never deny it.

By the way, I got into medical school! WooHOo! All those months of struggling with the decision to apply seems so foolish to me now. When I finally decided to just go for it and apply (the day before the deadline) it felt so right. Through the entire interview I knew that I had made the right decision. When Dr. Parbhoo said "I'm convinced, you're in!" I couldn't help myself I was just shouting Hallelujah and Praise the Lord! So I'll be going to Spartan Health Sciences University School of Medicine, in St. Lucia..it's in the Caribbean..Just thinking of being near the water and doing devotions while watching the sunset and going back to school is soo exciting! I simply can't wait! I feel so relieved..so now I have less than three weeks to get all my books and clothes and sheets and blankets and socks and sneakers and shoes and oh my goodness paper & pens. Oh my. I have a lot of prayin' to do! I'm so thankful. I feel so incredibly blessed. I know that this is gonna be a really tough road, but for some reason I'm not the least bit anxious. My God has never failed me before, and certainly won't now. It's simply against His character. So yea! Here I go! *Wish me luck* *Adios Amigos*